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Sunday Samples 263

February 12, 2012

Well, either I’m getting more famous than I thought (not likely) or I’ve been visited by a particularly aggressive Charlottesvillain on this weblog. After I let his wife know she was inadvertently pushing the back of my theater seat he stormed off, swearing. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of it; he tried earlier to leave a threatening comment here, saying he should “slap the gay off” me. Which raises the interesting legal question of whether if he actually does assault me it would merit a bias enhancement even if I’m not actually gay. Or it would raise that point if Virginia didn’t make it clear just how homophobic it is as a state.

But I digress. The thing I find sort of mystifying is how he could have gotten from seeing me in the theater to finding me here. He gave no sign of knowing me at the theater; I have no idea how he could have found my name. How dangerously and violently obsessed does a man have to be to search through all the Google results for the movie he was watching, possibly cross-referenced with the city, and following links until he could find a picture to verify he’d found the right person. Why would he assume that I’d be locatable at all by such a search unless he was already severely mentally unbalanced and looking for any excuse to cause injury and reassure himself of his tenuous grip on his masculinity?

So I think it’s reasonable to go for Rockwell’s “Somebody’s Watching Me”, with additional vocals by none other than Michael Jackson.

[Who’s watching]
[Tell me, who’s watching]
[Who’s watching me]

I’m just an average man
With an average life
I work from nine to five
Hey, hell, I pay the price
All I want is to be left alone
In my average home
But why do I always feel
Like I’m in the twilight zone?

And
(I always feel like)
(Somebody’s watching me)
And I have no privacy

(I always feel like)
(Somebody’s watching me)
Tell me, is it just a dream?

When I come home at night
I bolt the door real tight
People call me on the phone I’m trying to avoid
But can the people on TV see me or am I just paranoid?
When I’m in the shower
I’m afraid to wash my hair
‘Cause I might open my eyes and find someone standing there
People say I’m crazy
Just a little touched
But maybe showers remind me of Psycho too much

That’s why
(I always feel like)
(Somebody’s watching me)
And I have no privacy

(I always feel like)
(Somebody’s watching me)
Who’s playin’ tricks on me?

(Who’s watching me)
I don’t know anymore
Are the neighbors watching me?
[Who’s watching]
Well, is the mailman watching me
[Tell me, who’s watching]
And I don’t feel safe anymore
Oh, what a mess
I wonder who’s watching me now
(Who)
The IRS?

(I always feel like)
(Somebody’s watching me)
And I have no privacy

(I always feel like)
(Somebody’s watching me)
Tell me, is it just a dream?

(I always feel like)
(Somebody’s watching me)
And I have no privacy

(I always feel like)
(Somebody’s watching me)
Who’s playin’ tricks on me?

[Who’s watching me]
(I always feel like)
(Somebody’s watching me)

(I always feel like)
(Somebody’s watching me)
Tell me who can it be?

[Who’s watching me]
(I always feel like)
(Somebody’s watching me)

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Hunt permalink
    February 20, 2012 04:35

    If it were me, I’m not sure I wouldn’t find that more of an ego boost than something to be alarmed about, but since those things are always determined by the particulars, you have my sympathy. Don’t hesitate to go to the police if it concerns you. The one thing that indicates he’s harmless is that he was with his wife. If he were alone, you might have something to worry about. If I were to guess, I would say he knew who you were before the encounter.

    On a related note, I’ve been wondering for a couple years whether there’s ever been a good cyber-stalking movie made. Might be a good idea for a screenplay.

  2. February 20, 2012 09:15

    I doubt there’s ever been a good one, and I have a feeling by now the best we’re going to get is a hackneyed teen slasher, probably as a vehicle for Amanda Seyfried.

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